


Campe Fucking Diem

by Fedora_nut



Category: Camp Camp
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Camp Campbell, F/F, F/M, Gay, Gay Jokes, Goth - Freeform, Hinted anyway, Lesbians, Not really any actual romantics but like there is still gayness, Probably bad, Suicide Jokes, christianism, gay goth, i know that contradicts literally everything else but trust me, real crappy parents, satanism jokes, seriously there is a character who's pretty much a walking gay joke, so much satanism, stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 12:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12912399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fedora_nut/pseuds/Fedora_nut
Summary: At Camp Campbell everything isn't normal at all, soon it gets even wierder with two additions to the camp, a passive aggressive walking gay joke and scary goth, what friendships will be made? What secrets revealed? What gayness shall go on?I am terrible at summaries, its good though I promise.





	1. Prologue - introductions

A dark skinned boy in a blue hoodie and green eyes crouched behind a bush, next to him was a scrawny looking boy with an Afro of brown hair and a yellow turtleneck who bore resemblance to a nerdy beanpole. Crouching on all fours like a feral animal waiting to strike was a girl with teal hair in two ponytails, she wore red overalls over a yellow shirt.  
"Okay guys, when the bus gets here with whatever new fucked up campers sent to die in this hellhole, we run and jump in while David is distracted probably doing some heartfelt fucking speech about this camp." The dark skinned boy - Max - informed them like he was exposing the secret plan to a mission (which in a sense, he was).  
"Got it." The nerdy kid - Neil - and the teal haired girl - Nikki - echoed together, expressions of determination on their faces. Nikki punched her fist into her hand, practically vibrating with excitement, she held out a fist, then two fingers up, the action of some people walking, she continued making weird gestures, trying to convey a plan and- oh look now she's doing scissors paper rock.... Okay, she lost, against herself.  
"Nikki!" Max hissed in frustration. "We- we don't need. Ugh, whatever - bus is here, quick lets get out of this shitty camp." He noted the bus' arrival.  
David's face was shining in excitement, his eyes stretched out with - was that stars twinkling in them?  
The bus pulled to a slow stop, the doors slowly opening like some sort of dramatic introduction ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) but before the rip off of every action movie ever could continue Nikki jumped out of the bushes, charging at the bus with a wild war cry. In the bushes Max face palmed before yelling, "for FUCKS SAKE! That wasn't the plan Nikki!" And ran out behind her, Neil following with a less than confident war cry.  
"Max!" David scolded, halting their progress by grabbing the backs of their shirts and lifting them with ease, Max slumping in his hoodie and muttering his former yell ruefully, "for fucks sake."  
"Language." David scolded, Max bristling, ready to explode in his face when the doors of the bus opened with a jolt, the Quartermaster was hunched over the buttons, pushing them impatiently, "stupid door." He grumbled.  
He looked up as he heard the door opening to see David holding up Max and Neil and yelping as Nikki bit his foot savagely like a dog, hanging off it as he lifted it of the ground in pain.  
"I hear pain." A low voice announced with a tone that sounded like the owner was the incarnation of those dark, evil, villain laughs in movies.  
A girl then stepped into view, trudging down the steps of the bus to the ground with cool disinterest, she wore a grey beanie, a black shirt and pants and an unzipped dark hoodie, contrasting her pale olive skin tone, her blond hair was cut short at the back, the ends just barely peaking out from her beanie, like a boys hair cut and the front side bangs swept over her right eye, one lock of dyed red hair.  
She stepped to the side and another figure appeared at the top of the steps, this one seemed to be a walking guitar, taking up most of the small space, the guitar lowering itself down the steps, attempting to leave through the door only the find it was blocked by the narrow space. The guitar backed up a step and tried again, hitting the door frame with a quiet, dull thud.  
The goth girl stepped back in front of the door to push the guitar back and turn it to the side so it could go through, when the guitar finally plopped onto the ground clumsily it stood to the left, they could now see the top of a light brown head of hair and small pale hands holding either side of the guitar.  
The guitar was set against the side of the bus and they could finally see the owner, a pale girl with cute baby fat and her light brown hair in a braid, some locks on the right side of her face were free showing her hair was wavy.  
She wore rectangular glasses and a white shirt with a unicorn on and long grey pants, her and the goth girl stood expectantly - well, she did, goth girl was busy carving a pentagram on the side of the bus.  
"Hello, happy campers!" David cheerfully greeted, dropping Neil and Max as the bus sped off, leaving Max staring after it angrily.  
"This. Is music camp?" The girl with glasses questioned disbelievingly, surveying the camp.  
"Well. At Camp Campbell, we have a number of camps. If you like I could sing you a song~" David slowly raised his guitar prompting a quick "oh please fuck no." From Max.  
"We're good." Goth girl spoke up quickly, David pouted sadly before turning back to the girl with glasses.  
"You must be Marina." Marina grinned a cheesy smirk and finger gunned the overly eager attitude, "'sup."  
He turned to the goth girl, "and you're-" "Avis." She cut him off, "got any rope? 'Cause I'm about fucking ready to kill myself."  
Max raised an eyebrow and smirked while David's smile wavered, he kept it up determinedly, "now now happy camper, why not give Camp Campbell a chance? You could meet some new friends. In fact, how about these lovely campers show you around!" He gestured to the three standing beside him. Both Neil and Max looked repulsed by his happy attitude.  
"This is Max." "Fuck off."  
"This is Neil." "Help me."  
"And this is Nikki!" "Hi, wanna go poke frogs with me?"  
Max and Neil had their eyes narrowed while Nikki was practically vibrating with excitement, bouncing on the heels of her feet, bobbing up and down.  
Marina and Avis shared an apprehensive look before Marina picked up her guitar and Avis picked up the knife she used to carve a pentagram which had fallen from her grip when the bus sped off.  
Marina was humming a tune as Nikki led them to a clearing full of what looked like stalls with labels, there was a rickety cardboard tower, a skateboard ramp, a wooden lab, a place full of easels and paintings and more.  
"Oh, I get it. This is a rip off." Avis said, eyeing the multiple 'camps', David hastily shushed her, "ah-ah, Camp Campbell is not a rip off-" "yeah, and I'm not gay." Marina interrupted, "huh?" David turned to her, "huh?" She echoed back innocently.  
David smiled obliviously and introduced them to the campers with had begun to gather curiously.  
"This is Erid." "'Sup dudes." She drawled from the top of the skate ramp.  
"Dolph." "Hallo! I am currently drawing the Reich." "What?" Marina and Avis asked, concerned, Dolph turned the painting towards them and they could see it was a bowl of rice, painted off of some rice placed on a stool in front of him.  
"Nice." Marina offered weakly and Dolph seemed happy at the praise, Avis looked put off, "is it just me or is he-?" "Yeah, it's fucked up." Max informed her, "well then at least this camp reflects my life." She humoured dryly and Max looked at her sideways, smirking. Marina was talking with Dolph, obviously slightly put off by his atmosphere making him seem... Natz-so normal.  
"This is Harrison." "Would you like to see a magic trick?" "Yeah, you can make me disappear." Avis commented under her breath, David remained oblivious to her sardonic tone and took it optimistically, "that's great! You're already participating!" He applauded her and she leaned to Max warily.  
"Is he always so..." "Optimistic?" Max guessed irritably at the same time she said, "fucking annoying." Max looked at her in surprise then grinned.  
"Every fucking day of my life."


	2. Scouts dishonour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avis is dragged along the main trio's latest escapade to escape the camp while Marina commits several felonies in order to steal some cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not the best because it's the first chapter but it gets better.

It was nighttime at Camp Campbell, the sky a cool shade of blue sprinkled lightly with stars, David walked past the Mess Hall, a lantern illuminating his path. He sighed happily.  
"Another wonderful day at Camp Camp, and some new campers! All that's left to do now is recharge with a full eight hours of lying in bed... Awake, waiting for tomorrow." He reflected happily, speaking to no one.  
As David continued on he remained oblivious to Max, Neil and Nikki sneaking through the night to the docks - looking like something out of a spy movie.  
"Alright guys, our- wait, what the fuck?!" Max trailed off as he noticed another's presence by the lake, Avis was standing by the lake, dragging a stick through the mud in the shape of a skull. Her black shirt had been traded for the Camp Campbell yellow shirt but she had painted over the ordinary shirt with red paint to make a pentagram that looked like it was made from blood, some paint trailing down the shirt a little.  
She noticed them finally and waved lazily, Neil and Max stood confused and slightly put out while Nikki jumped to her drawing excitedly.  
"Hey Avis! Are you escaping camp too? (Max face palmed as Nikki gave away their plan and Avis raised an eyebrow) No? Oh! Are we doing a ritual? I can go get a sacrifice!" She growled predatorily, baring her teeth and crouching readily.  
"Nikki, no." Max scolded, he was cut off from elaborating as Avis spoke at the same time, "yes." She caught the looks the boys were giving her and hurriedly corrected herself. "I meant no, stupid autocorrect."  
Max heaved a frustrated sigh, "look, we're trying to escape. You want to come or not?"  
"Sure." Avis shrugged and Nikki grinned.  
"Now, our first attempt to bust out of this godforsaken hellhole didn't work. But tonight's gonna be different. 'Cause we have a secret weapon." He informed smugly, turning to the docks.  
"Billy Nixil." He narrated as a chubby, short boy with dark hair and skin emerged from the shadows spookily, a candy cane clenched in his mouth.  
"Call me Snake." He ordered in a gravelly voice that was in no way a rip off of every movie tough guy ever.  
"He's ex-Wood scouts. And he's one of the best." Max proudly boasted, "isn't that right Billy?" He prompted, Billy - or 'Snake' - chewed his candy cane sullenly. "Got my search and rescue badge in two weeks, got my water survival in one." He informed. Nikki praised him eagerly, "that's amazing!"  
"I never had a choice." Oh, and there's the cliche movie line.  
"The Wood Scouts are some of the most intense militant campers on Lake Lilac. Billy here escaped." Max said.  
"Then why is he helping us?" Neil asked suspiciously.  
"I'm not doing this for you. I made a vow." He placed a hand on his hip, seriously, where did they get this kid?  
Awkward silence followed Terminator reincarnated's confession, crickets chirping as the four looked at each other unsurely.  
His eyes then finally drifted over to Avis, having failed to notice her due to her clothes blending in with the dark night.  
"Hey! It's you!"  
"You know Avis?" Neil questioned nervously.  
"Yeah. Tried to join the Wood Scouts even though she's a girl!" He took an aggressive tone, pointing at her accusingly, Avis bristled angrily and burst out in a loud, frustrated whisper.  
"I didn't want to join your stupid fucking camp! You fucktards literally thought I was a boy!" She hissed, clenching her fists at her side, leaning towards him angrily.  
"Well okay, let's get in the boat!" Neil offered awkwardly, trying to diffuse the palpable tensions created from the stand off.

They sailed across the waters, discussing calmly what they were going to do once they left.  
"What about you Avis?" Neil asked and Nikki turned to her patiently.  
"I'll probably sacrifice something to Satan, get caught and sent to prison. Maybe I'll break out a bunch of people and start a riot." She hummed thoughtfully.  
Neil rubbed his arm awkwardly while Nikki nodded in approval, "how about you Max?" She asked, asking again confusedly as he didn't look away from the misty lake. "Max?"  
"Billy. Where are you taking us?" He probed suspiciously.  
"Shortcut." Snake replied shortly.  
Max surveyed the lake warily, looking down to see the waves lapping at a branding on the side of the boat stamped 'property of: the Woodscouts'.  
Max gasped but before he could do anything else Snake lunged at him and sliced him wildly with a knife prompting Neil to scream out cowardly and scrambled to the end of the boat pushing Avis' legs up.  
"Jesus Christ!" Snake turned to growl at them angrily before seizing Nikki and holding her high above his head, "Yo! What gives?!" "No girls allowed!" He yelled, tossing her into the water.  
"Nikki!" Neil screamed, reaching out to her, Avis stood up with her arms outstretched, "take me!" She yelled dramatically but Snake ignored her.  
"All boys stay! No exceptions!" He ordered and Avis glowered angrily, opening her mouth to retort which distracted him for Max getting up behind him.  
Max tackled Snake with a grunt forcing him to the ground, "Neil quick grab his-!" Max yelled, turning back to see an empty boat, catching one last glimpse of Avis jumping into the water, embracing her fate.  
"Oh shit."  
Were the last words Avis heard as she plunged into the cold water, submerging herself.

~~~~

Back at camp the sun had risen to illuminate a new day, Marina was walking through the camp, she quickened her stride when she noticed David up ahead.  
"Well good morning camper!" He cheerily flashed a blinding grin - literally, she had to shield her eyes as the morning sun reflected on his pearly whites.  
"It really isn't." She grumbled, David squatted down to her level, "what can I do for you today?" He offered, overly welcoming attitude throwing her off so she glared at him disdainfully, how dare he be happy in her presence? Avis would have made a comment either threatening him or - following her line of thought- muttering 'the audacity!' In an offended tone under her breath, but that was what brought her here. She had been looking for Avis and had gone to the lake, thinking she would be drawing pentagrams in the sand when she saw something on the water that made her turn on her heel and march right up to David.  
"You guys have a camp for pirate ships?!"  
David furrowed his brow at her question before he realised, "you must mean Pirate Camp! It's another camp on Lake Lilac!" He informed her with detestable enthusiasm.  
"There are other camps?"  
"Well sure!" He endeared her, turning around and closing his eyes as he walked away, recounting a list with the air of a tourism guide, one arm behind his back, the other in the air knowledgeably.  
"There's the Woodscouts, military campers. Pirate Camp, they train you on how to be a pirate and the Flowerscouts, they are most known for being ladylike and their cookies!-"  
"Cookies?!"  
"That's ri-"  
David had turned around and opened his eyes again to inform Marina more when he stopped talking as he noticed she was nowhere to be seen.

When Avis came to she was lying on a sandy bank, the water lapped to her waist causing her to jump up with a comical start.  
"FUCK! That's cold!" She scrambled to the side and kicked her foot out spastically to fling off water.  
She hopped backwards to stop beside Nikki and Neil who she hadn't noticed until now.  
"Hey Nikki. Hey female swamp monster." She commented, acknowledging Neil's weird accessory of seaweed adorning his head.  
"Where are we?" She turned to Nikki who seemed the most alert.  
"Where happiness comes to die." Nikki hissed at her and Neil, they turned as an annoying voice suddenly called out.  
"Oh. My. God. Is that... Nikki?" A preppy looking blonde drawled, standing next to a tall cheerleader with red hair and another model with brown skin and blue hair that shielded one eye.  
"Hey guys." Nikki spoke nervously, dropping Neil.  
"Ew. Who is that?" The brown girl spoke disgustedly, the red head addressed her posse with a bratty air, "Tabbii, Erin please. A Flower scout always welcomes others with daintiness and respect." Her grating voice chastised.  
"Flower scouts?" Neil and Avis echoed.  
They suddenly noticed a beautiful area over the hill behind the girls, seemingly glowing and sparkling magically, it looked like something out of a Barbie movie.  
A camp full of pink houses and cabins with yellow pavement and bright green grass was shining in the morning sun, sparkles reflecting of the freshly polished roads.  
"Nikki... You were a Flower Scout?" Neil questioned surprised while Avis hunched away from the light, hissing like a vampire at the sparkles and pink.  
"Ugh, yeah... But they were totally boring so I bailed." Nikki grumbled.  
The first girl fake coughed to regain their attention and they all curtsied in unison.  
"It's sooo good to see you again Nikki. And-"  
"Ne-" "ancy!" Nikki cut Neil off, jumping on him and covering his mouth.  
"Neeancy?" "Yes! It's- uh, spelled really dumb, it's french." Nikki excused.  
"Ooh, France." Erin drawled before the leader glared at Avis darkly.  
"Your... Friend here, is not welcome. Boys aren't allowed."  
Avis spluttered in anger, crouching and pulling at her beanie in a frustrated gesture she hissed, "I am not a boy!" Angrily.  
"Oh! Are you sure?" The girl continued, suspicious.  
Avis let out a frustrated groan and took a threatening step forward. "I. Am. A. Girl! My name is Avis!"  
"That sounds like a boys name!" Tabbii whined, "my name is Tabbii. With two 'I's."  
"Congratu-fucking-lations." Avis grumbled.  
"Come on Neeancy, our morning activities are starting!" The head girl cheered and they swung around gracefully, pausing to look over their shoulders disdainfully.  
"You can come too Nikki, and, uh, 'girl'." She lengthened the word skeptically, eyes narrowed.  
"Man, we really lucked out." Neil commented happily, Nikki let out a feral growl of frustration and followed the others.  
"Hey, you think Max is okay?" Neil asked offhandedly as Avis glowered.  
She trudged down the hill and they passed a small building labeled 'storage'.  
"Oh, that's where we keep our cookies." The red head waved as she saw Avis looking, from inside Avis could vaguely hear muffled noises and as the others continued along she stopped and ducked out of sight. Detaching from the group and pressing herself against the wall of the cookie storage shed sneakily.  
She opened the door slowly as it creaked ominously, a pillar of light illuminating the room slowly like in a dramatic movie scene, a hunched mass was in the corner, shrouded in shadows making sounds of eating, chewing and crunching ferociously.  
More light was shed on the quivering mass until it unfurled and Avis could see- "Marina?"  
Said girl stiffened and turned around sheepishly, blushing at being caught red handed.  
She was hugging a cookie box possessively, dressed in a Girl Scouts uniform she had a few crumbs over her bulging cheeks which were stuffed with cookies making her resemble a chipmunk.  
Marina's eyes guiltily darted to the side briefly and Avis followed her gaze to see a pretty looking girl tied up with so much rope Avis wondered briefly if she could breath and if she was naked underneath given Marina had probably stolen her uniform.  
They both stared at each other for a prolonged period of time, the awkward silence deafening until Avis shut the door behind her and sat down beside Marina.  
She grabbed a nearby box and yanked a dagger from her boot to stab and slice the box open, smiling warmly at Marina who blushed and smiled back, swallowing her cookies before shovelling more in her mouth.  
The girl tied up groaned and blinked groggily, waking up, she spotted Avis and recoiled, "ew! A boy-" Avis had gotten up, in a fighting stance but before she could use her dagger that was still clenched in her palm the girl was cut off as Marina shoved a sock into her mouth unceremoniously and gave Avis a wink.

A couple hours later Marina and Avis had finally sated themselves and were exiting the room with their arms heaped with boxes, above they saw an eagle flying regally across the sky, Nikki and Neil hanging on to its claws.  
"Hey, isn't that Avis and Marina?" Nikki commented, pointing down at the two.  
Marina was sitting on top of a mound of cookie boxes like a queen on a throne and she waved brightly up at them while Avis squinted confusedly.


	3. Camp Cool Kidz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avis is gay and joins a side in a war while Marina joins the revolution. David is almost killed. But what else is new?

Marina and Avis knelt on the floor, scrubbing the floors of the mess hall with toothbrushes dejectedly, Marina was humming aggressively.  
"This sucks. This is the kind of peasant work my parents left their home country to avoid," Max grumbled.  
"Yeah, I don't get the point, what good is rolling around on the floor if it's clean?" Nikki agreed.  
"I agree, I've been through two whole musicals in my head already, two! Do you know how long those things are? Oh, and Avis keeps cleaning in the shapes of pentagrams." Marina complained, gesturing to Avis who was glaring at Quartermaster, not once blinking or looking down while she still managed to create a perfect pentagram shape. Which was honestly concerning as they had to deduce it was probably from practice of drawing sacrificial signs without looking and if so, how the hell did she spend her spare time?  
"I think she wants to sacrifice David," Marina said. "Fine by me," Max enabled with a sarcastic, cheerful tone.  
"This isn't even part of a sanctioned camp activity. This is child labour," Neil accused.  
Erid walked past them at that moment and they all followed her with their eyes (except Avis who was still glaring) as she leaned against the wall nonchalantly. Waving her fringe with a soft hum.  
"Man, Erid never gets yelled at for not working, she's just too cool. I wish I was her," Nikki fawned. "Erid?" Neil repeated, "like a dried desert climate?" Marina continued for him and he turned to her with a drawn out gasp of awe. Eyes widening at her display of intelligence, "IQ level above common stupidity." He whispered, high pitched. Staring at Marina, flustered, while she remained oblivious.  
"I think her real name is Meridith but she's just so frickin' cool she goes by the middle part of her name. Oh," she perked up, "I wonder if I should try that. Ikk," she tested, "Oooh, yeah."  
"That's fuckin' stupid, nicknames don't make you cool." Max scoffed.  
"Psh, spoken like a true first part nicknamer," Nikki mocked.  
"Yeah, Maxinne." Marina said.  
"No one's too cool to talk to, even cool kids take giant, uncomfortable shits from time to time. Helps remind you that were all equal." Max reasoned.  
"Inspiring Maxinne, truly inspiring. I wonder if the counsellors share your opinion." Marina mused sarcastically.  
"Hey you chillen' cut your yammerin' and get back to scrubbin'," Quartermaster's grumbling interrupted them, further proving Marina's point. They all began cleaning again bitterly.  
"If we were in charge, things would be so much better. No scrubbing, no outdoors." "No David." Max suggested into Neil's angry rant, "no laws against sacrificial rituals." Avis joined in, everyone turned to her, giving her looks of slight fear and uncomfortableness. "What?" She asked dumbly.  
"We should just revolt." Neil huffed, Max sat up, realisation coming over his features.  
"Know what? You're right," He stood up and began yelling, "aren't you all sick of this lowly work?! It's time we take control of our lives and fight back! Who's with me?" He rallied, everyone cheered along with him.  
They overpowered the quartermaster and tied him up to a chair, reeking havoc in the lack of authoritative figures. Marina was dancing and mouthing wildly into her toothbrush, uncoordinated and undignified. Avis jumping up and down on the quartermasters head, a look of sadistic glee on her face as she cackled.  
"We got ourselves an uprisin'," Quartermaster yelled at the opened door and everyone turned, smiling cynically at David and Gwen paused in the doorway.  
Avis jumped down onto the floor with a dramatic thud, still grinning maniacally.

David and Gwen were currently tied up to the Camp Camp flag pole, David was tied upside down as per Avis' request.  
"Max, I am very disappointed in you, but I'm also torn, because you were clearly paying attention in knot tying class." David attempted to scold him.  
"Actually that was all Marina and Avis. They know a lot about tying up bodies surprisingly." Nikki informed. Marina and Avis smirked, low high-fiving. "You need to know, where I'm from." Marina said cynically, her Australian accent clear.  
"Well that's slightly ominous." David said in a weak voice before he was slapped by Max.  
"Shut up! We're in charge now, Davie. The camp is ours!" He spoke villainously, causing a bunch of cheers and yells from the campers.  
"This is just like Les Mis, I love it!" Preston fangirled eagerly. "Don't make this lame Preston." Max scolded.  
"Max let us down now, Cameron Campbell is coming to camp tomorrow and we need to get ready." David pleaded desperately.  
"Oh even better. You'll definitely be fired once he sees the state the camp is in. Or will be in." He said. "Come on everyone."  
"Oh Gwen we have to stop them!" David said, "yeah, I refuse to sit up here for the next 24 hours." Gwen ranted angrily, Neil reached up and tucked an iPad into the ropes in front of her face, streaming videos of reality junk TV. And thus, Gwen was successfully dealt with.  
She gasped, "oh my gosh, trash TV." She drooled, pressing her face against the screen.  
"Gwen! Gweeenn!" David cried dramatically as Marina and Avis walked away.

"Alright free men, now that the revolution is complete, it's time to choose our new leader, obviously I will happily take-" "I vote Erid!" Max's speech in front of everyone on his stage was interrupted as Nikki eagerly yelled.  
"What?" Max yelled. "Cool," Erid said, "I vote Erid as vell, she is strong und passionate, und so cool!" Dolph jumped up happily and everyone cheered in agreement.  
"Woah, woah, woah, hold the hell up. Did you nerds forget who revolutionised this place? I should be leading you. Not sports Barbie over here." Max argued.  
"If I remember correctly it was Neil who suggested the idea." Marina piped up lazily and Neil gasped at her words, bouncing on his heels as his eyes shimmered with happiness, "recognition," voice a high octave in disbelief and excitement as he whisper yelled.  
"And Erid's charisma modifier is like plus ten!" Nerris argued. "Thanks Nerris." Erid thanked cooly. "That's cool of you to say."  
"I wanna be cool too Erid!" Nikki burst out desperately.  
"Sure thing Nikki, everyone can be cool at Camp Cool Kidz!" Erid encouraged nicely, "oh! I love that name!" Preston yelled happily.  
"No!" Max shouted indignantly. "You're gonna get taken advantage of by the one percent. Rage against the machine, fight the power nine/eleven!" Max attempted to rally the campers to rebel, futilely.  
"Progressive buzzvords can't save you now."  
"But Erid doesn't have the spreadsheet software to manage-" Neil piped up but was interrupted by an awestruck Nikki, "that's 'cause spreadsheets aren't cool. Right Erid?" Erid paused for a moment as wind rustled around her cooly.  
"Right."  
"I vote Erid too!" Space Kid put his hand up eagerly. "No you don't." "No I don't." Space kid agreed with Max blindly.  
The campers laughed and cheered as they followed Erid, Max snagging Nikki's arm to hiss at her angrily, "what the hell's wrong with you, traitor?!"  
"I'm sorry! You said to talk to her, and uh, I panicked, so I just voted for her!" She apologised. "You'll regret this."  
"Yo, Nikki. I got you a pair of cool sunglasses." Erid twirled the shades in between her fingers promisingly. "...Nah, I don't think so." Nikki told Max before running off.  
He growled angrily.  
"Hey, Marina you can come too if you want. You could play us some sick beats." Marina contemplated thoughtfully but was saved the trouble of coming to a decision when Max hissed through gritted teeth. "Don't. You. Dare."  
Marina narrowed her eyes at his rudeness but shrugged and declined, "nah," Erid shrugged, "hey, gotta be loyal. I get that." She smiled softly at her and finger gunned her with respect.  
"Avis? I think you jacket is totally cool. I have some spares if you'd like some?" She turned to her and smiled briefly, her hair waving with the motion of her head, Avis blushed, surprised at the offer. She turned to Marina.  
"Sorry." She whispered, but Marina shook her head, "no, I get it. Gotta be gay. Go, make me proud." She gave her a thumbs up, clapping her on the shoulder supportively and Avis saluted her with two fingers.

In the Mess Hall everyone was partying happily, Avis was wearing a new leather jacket with studs and was admiring it happily.  
Erid and Nikki were at a couch, Erid fiddled with the Quartermaster's hook idly, throwing it where it landed with a thud and Nurf commented, "bullseye!" To which Erid acknowledged, "cool."  
"Everyone's so much happier now, thanks to you!" Nikki said, "how're the plans for the giant half-pipe coming?" Erid turned to her, Nikki unrolled some plans.  
"Should be ready to build as soon as we learn basic architecture. What a cool idea, Erid" she complemented.  
"I know, think of all the sick 900's we could do off that thing." "Yeah! I totally know what that is!" Nikki lied eagerly.  
"Erid, it's cold and boring outside." Nerris complained, "I cast an invisibility charm to conceal David and Gwen, can we come inside for a bit?" She implored.  
"Oh, totally, Magic Dudes. In fact..." She stood up, "everyone gets a break!" She clapped and disco balls fell from the ceiling and strobe lights flashed, "dance party!" She called.

Meanwhile, in the midsts of the forest Neil and Space Kid were huddled around a fire, chanting repeatedly while Marina sang tribal sounding words in time with their chant.  
"Fellow freemen." Max emerged from the shadows, black painted around his eyes and decorating his naked chest.  
"There comes a time when a group must fight back against tyranny. Like the Minutemen of the revolution, we will fight for our independence!" He pound his fist into his hand.  
"Minuteman. Mommy calls Daddy that when they argue." Space Kid replied dumbly.  
"...I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this." Neil said unsurely.  
"I am. Completely. Time to turn passive aggressive into violent aggressive." Marina narrowed her eyes.  
"Silence! We're gonna hit Camp Cool Kidz with everything we've got!" Max shushed him, "freebrother Neil. What've you got?" Max finished lamely.  
Neil drew out two bombs and Marina started and took a step back, "woah!"  
"I was saving these to put in David's underpants." "Nice." Marina commented and Neil blushed a deep red, fumbling with the bombs as he laughed breathily, sighing lovingly. Marina remained blindly oblivious.  
"Perfect." Max said, referring to the explosives.  
Space Kid drew put two pine cones, "I was saving these to-" "no one cares" Max dismissed him, "here's how it'll work. Space Kid is the most expendable, so he'll be our decoy." Marina patted Space Kid's shoulder pityingly.

Avis was kneeled beside David, a suspiciously red pentagram was drawn beneath him as he snored and beside her was an opened can of gasoline, some knives, and a book.  
She reached a hand under her beanie and drew out a matchbox, striking a match against the side, waiting for it to catch alight.  
Suddenly, a mob of angry campers charged past, chasing Space Kid while yelling war cries, waking David who immediately asked, "what are you kids doing?" Disapprovingly.  
Nikki, who followed the angry mob, answered him happily, "we're gonna kill Space Kid!"  
"Oh! I wanna!" Avis shouted eagerly, she dropped the matches in favour of sprinting to join the mob. The matches landed on the ground just as they sparked and set alight.  
"What? No!" David yelled after them desperately, shrieking as he noticed the lit match rolling close to a spilled puddle of gasoline.  
"Aaah, help!" His voice rose in a girly pitch and he desperately blew at the flame, trying to extinguish the threat to his life, yelping as his attempts caused a small fire on some grass, dangerously close to the spill. He whimpered.  
They ran into the forest after Space Kid who was standing behind a blanket of leaves, holding his pine cones up.  
"We've got you now! Let's saw him in half!" Harrison yelled ferociously.  
They charged at him but fell as they crossed the leaves which gave way to reveal a trap, Avis came up behind them having been slower.  
"Aaw, man. I always miss the cool stuff." Avis complained, Marina stepped out of the shrubbery.  
"If you want cool stuff you could jump and we could reenact the last scene of Titanic?" Marina offered, Avis considered for a moment before shrugging and leaping into the whole with her arms stretched out.  
"I'll never let-!" Marina cut off as she drew her arms back from being ready to catch Avis, allowing her to fall into the hole with a thud and a monotonous "ow."  
"That's fair." Avis called up.  
"Woah, awesome!" Nikki complimented as she came across the trap. Erid crossed her arms and coughed pointedly.  
"I mean, you fiend!" Nikki corrected.  
"You're the fiend!" Max snarled, revealing himself. Neil hugged his bare chest uncomfortably, Marina noticed their serious faces and hurried to pose angrily too.  
"What do YOU losers want?" Erid asked, annoyed.  
"JUSTICE!" Neil yelled, trying to look cool in front of Marina.  
"You guys are here to rescue me?!" Poor, sweet, naive David. He's still almost on fire, by the way.  
"NO. Shut up, David." "Aw." David whined at Max's response.  
"Pssh, I'd like to see you try and fight us." Erid insulted.  
"Gladly." Max spun around his spear, narrowly missing Neil and Marina who leaned backwards like she was doing the limbo with a squawk.  
The spearhead flew off and crashed somewhere, breaking some random glass and probably hurting a duck (judging by the quack).  
"Nikki... Attack." Erid commanded and Nikki dropped to all fours.  
"BARK BARK BARK!"  
She and Max circled each other dramatically, Max holding the spear warily.  
The sun rose slowly behind them, enhancing the dramatic scene.  
"No fighting! Violence never solves anything!" David attempted, "STAB HER, BITCH!" Gwen cheered, looking at her screen with sadistic glee.  
Nikki launched herself at Max with a growl, he threw her off using his stick but she charged again, snapping ferociously at his weapon.  
"WOOH!" Marina cheered from the sidelines, chewing on some random nuts she had found like popcorn.  
"YOU GOT THIS MAXINNE!" Then speaking to Neil out of the corner of her mouth in a loud whisper. "He don't got this."  
"Nikki, give it up, she doesn't care about you! She just uses people!" Max tried to sway Nikki.  
"Don't listen to him, Nikki!" Erid yelled.  
"Don't worry Erid! I know it's not true!" Nikki shouted back positively.  
"Uh, no, of course it's true, just don't listen to him! I need you on my side." Erid hissed.  
"That fits. With like, the rest of society." Avis commentated from the hole in a voice that made it sound like she was shrugging.  
"I'll save you, Nikki!" Harrison crawled out of the hole desperately. "FIRE!" A pillar of flames shot from his hands and lit the gasoline beneath David, lighting the ropes on fire.  
"Oh god! Someone stop-drop-and-roll me." David yelped.  
"Oopsie." "You suck, Harrison!" Nerris yelled.  
Max threw Nikki off with one final shove and she fell back, her sunglasses flying off her head and shattering. Erid approached the broken accessory and Nikki.  
"This is decidedly uncool." Nikki's eyes watered like a kicked puppy.  
"I AGREE! SOMEONE PUT ME OUT!" David yelled, panicking.  
"Reverse fire!" Harrison's body was thrown out of the pit and hit the flaming ropes, putting them out but his jacket caught on fire. He helped and threw it to the ground.  
Avis emerged from where she had shoved Harrison out of the way, panting and flopping to the ground. "And she crawls out of hell again!" She commentated, punching a fist in the air before slumping back down, tired.  
"Well at least I'm okay!" David smiled cheerfully. Screaming fearfully as a car rammed into the post, breaking it.  
Thankfully, the break made the ropes snap and David and Gwen fell off, freed. Unthankfully;  
Two feet stepped out, an anklet tracker beeping on one.  
"Did somebody say... Cameron Campbell?"  
"No. Who the fuck-" "Marina, language." David scolded, pushing off his ropes.  
"Whom the fuck-" "no." David gave up.  
"Mr Campbell? You saved me!" David praised, kneeling in front of him, in awe.  
"Yes! I definitely saw you and was fully aware hitting you with my car would be the best course of action!" Cam-Cam agreed. He looked around.  
"Please, excuse the condition of the camp, sir. Things got a little out of hand, but we can fix it, I swear!" David apologised, taking one of Cam-Cam's hands in his. Cam squinted in disgust and shook him off, fixing his composure, he laughed.  
"The old 'taking-over-the-camp-from-the-camp-counsellors-and tying-them-to-the-flagpole' routine! I remember my first time." He sighed, humming and walking around the destruction to take some money out of a safe by the couch.  
"Hey, Cam-Cam!" Marina called angrily.  
"Can't you see this guy is a terrible counsellor and he needs to be dealt with?" Max continued, "eh? Oh, sorry kids, I've got other things to deal with."  
Marina narrowed her eyes in indignation.  
"Campbell's got a poker game to get to! I'm not gonna give too many details, but let's just say if I win, I could end up being the Prime Minister of Thailand." He gave away.  
"But our revolution?" Neil asked, "this is serious! We're leading a charge to make a difference, we are the 99 percent! I saw it on TV!" Max raged.  
"Oh, you kids and your dreams. So full of hope and ignorance, someday, you'll learn that no matter how righteous you think you're cause is, there is always someone bigger to keep you down!" Cameron spoke cheerfully.  
"And that day is today, and that someone is me." "Say what now?"

So here we are, back at the start, everyone - including Gwen and David - scrubbing the floors under Cameron's supervision.  
"Make it shine now, kids! I had to cut costs on provisions, so you'll all be reusing those toothbrushes later!" He called jovially, leaving.  
"Well, I feel like that was futile. Sorry, Max." Nikki apologised. "It's alright. I think we know this is all Neil's fault." "Yep, lesson learned. Never try to change anything, ever."  
"Hey, where's Avis anyway?" Neil asked Marina.  
"Oh, she left about two minutes ago, I don't know what she was doing but she had sharpened her toothbrush so it looked like a knife." Marina casually stated.  
"That seems about right." Max agreed. They continued scrubbing, ignoring as the Quartermaster fell onto the floor behind them.  
"Ow."


End file.
